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- Love is off the schedule: how work has become the main enemy of youth's personal life
Love is off the schedule: how work has become the main enemy of youth's personal life
Russians are increasingly faced with a situation where work is crowding out their personal lives. Almost every second single person under the age of 34 admits that it is difficult for him to find time for a relationship because of his employment, according to a study by the dating service Twinby. This problem is especially acutely felt by office workers, as well as young people at the start of their careers, for whom professional realization becomes a top priority. Why work is increasingly turning out to be stronger than love and what psychological consequences it leads to — in the material of Izvestia.
Why does work leave no room for relationships
The Twinby survey, which involved 1,162 people over the age of 18, showed that in the 18-34 age group, 42% of respondents often or constantly feel that it is almost impossible for them to find time for relationships due to their busy schedule. Among 25-34-year-olds, 36% explicitly say that work interferes with personal life regularly, and among 18-24-year-olds, 29% do. For comparison, this figure is 34% among all age groups.
Larisa Karavaitseva, chief psychologist at Twinby dating service, explains this trend by changing the role of work in the lives of young people.
— Today, work is becoming a way for many to maintain a sense of stability and control. In conditions of uncertainty, it gives you a sense of support: I'm busy, I'm in demand. Relationships, on the other hand, require a pause, emotional inclusion, and attention — and that's what they often lack the strength for," the expert notes.
According to her, the boundaries between work and personal time have almost disappeared: tasks and messages arrive in the evening and on weekends, which is why a person is physically at home, but psychologically remains at work. In this state, proximity begins to be perceived not as a source of support, but as an additional burden.
The age of deferred life
The study shows that it is young people under the age of 35 who feel the lack of time for relationships more than others. Sometimes or regularly, 73% of respondents manage to allocate time for dating and communication, but among 25-34-year—olds this indicator is the lowest - 69%. About 7% of young respondents almost never have time to engage in their personal lives, and one in five rarely does so.
— The age of 18-34 is a period of high vulnerability and at the same time high expectations from oneself. There is a feeling that your whole life is being decided now: you need to succeed, make no mistake, and keep up. Against this background, work seems more understandable and measurable than relationships, where there are no clear criteria for success," explains Larisa Karavaytseva.
The paradox, she says, is that it is at this age that the need for intimacy is most felt, but the fear of not coping with career and personal life at once leads to a choice in favor of work. Relationships are postponed "for later," which often never comes.
The Emotional price of professional success
Psychologists warn that the long-term displacement of personal life by work does not go away without a trace. Among the consequences are feelings of loneliness, emotional fatigue and irritability, which do not disappear even after a weekend or vacation.
— At first it seems like it's just a period. But over time, there is a feeling of emptiness: less joy, less interest in people, less energy for conversations. Protection is often activated in the form of thoughts "I'm fine as it is," but behind this there is fatigue and fear that there simply won't be enough resources for intimacy, Karavaytseva notes.
Psychologists call one of the alarming signals a situation when canceling face-to-face meetings becomes the norm, and it turns out to be easier to respond to a colleague than to write to a partner or go on a date. The picture is complemented by sleep problems, constant anxiety and a feeling of life "on the machine."
Office vs. remote
The format of the work also plays a significant role. According to Twinby, the office turned out to be the most exhausting option: 37% of office employees believe that work does not allow them to build a personal life or seek relationships. They are more likely to postpone personal plans and hear reproaches from partners.
Remote work looks more gentle.: 82% of remote workers find time to communicate, while only 71% of office workers do. In addition, almost half of young people — 44% in the 18-24 age group and 50% among 25-34 year olds - admit that they always or almost always respond to work messages outside of work hours. For those who are already in a couple, this figure is noticeably lower — 35%, which, according to analysts of the service, indicates the protective role of relationships in the issue of work-life balance.
How to return the balance
Psychologists emphasize that contrasting career and relationships is a wrong strategy. According to Larisa Karavaytseva, the first step is to recognize that intimacy does not require ideal conditions, but at least regular attention.
— Do not wait for the moment when all tasks are closed. This is the deferred life. It's better to start small: short meetings, live conversations without a phone. Sometimes 30 minutes of real contact is more important than a whole half—hearted evening," the expert advises.
The expert adds that a living relationship does not take away a resource, but often returns it: it gives a sense of support, stability and, contrary to widespread fear, helps to be more collected and efficient at work. In this sense, the choice between career and love is not an either—or, but a question of how to learn to hold both dimensions of life at the same time.
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